the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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