You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
