Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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