i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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