i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
