I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
