HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Even my vagina gasped.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
