So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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