one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
