Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
