But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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