He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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