I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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