I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
