You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
