I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
