just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
