So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
