Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
should my penis look like a turkey
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
