I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
