it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
