and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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