you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
