I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
