are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
