my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
