We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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