so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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