He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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