you guys were way drunker than both of me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
