Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No subtext here. People are naked.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
