I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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