and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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