i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
50% drunk capacity currently
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
