I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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