Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
