i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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