I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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