I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
