see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
