So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just pee around me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
