we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
