i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
