apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
