my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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