I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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