Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize