we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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