I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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