dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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