Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
