the condom got lost in my hair
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
