You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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