Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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