there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
