dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
