just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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