he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
