I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
