My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
