my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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