We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
