Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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