I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
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And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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