I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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