the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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