Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
