Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
