one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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