its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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